Internet Explorer vs Humanity

The thing that separates humans from the rest of the animal kingdom is our incredible ability to communicate. Every element of modern human life owes its existence to our ability to communicate and build on ideas from the past.

The development of the Internet has facilitated communication like never before, fuelling exponential growth in all areas of human development: mathematics, art, medicine, engineering, pseudoscience, entertainment, etc. This compounding impact of the Internet on our entire planet is awe inspiring. The Internet has had the most dramatic, wide-reaching impact on communications since the printing press. If communication is the cornerstone of human evolution and growth, then the Internet could easily be most significant human development thus far.

Given that, it would seem of utmost importance to stamp out anything curbing the growth of the most significant development in human history. This leads me to the conclusion:

Internet Explorer could easily be the single biggest hinderance to human advancement ever, in the history of humanity.

In many cases, the more innovative and modern your idea, the more life (energy/time) you must sacrifice to Internet Explorer. Modern web browsers are very performant, capable application platforms, supporting advanced 2D/3D graphics, audio, connectivity and storage features that make possible things that were inconceivable 3 years ago. But the reality is that many businesses can’t even consider using many of these features in commercial (read: sustainable) endeavours because these modern features aren’t supported for most Internet Explorer users, and won’t be for the foreseeable future due to Internet Explorer’s slow adoption rate.

Do not take the negative impact of Internet Explorer lightly. If Internet Explorer is stifling exponential growth, it is also inflicting exponential damage. By crippling innovation in a technology that influences everything from science to the economy, Internet Explorer is indirectly influencing the progress of every aspect of life, on a global scale. Who knows, we might have cured cancer if Internet Explorer hadn’t been repressing human development for so long.

Do not blame the corporates and governments for being slow to adopt. One reason they don’t upgrade is because Internet Explorer is still “good enough”. The Internet still “works” on their Windows 2000 machines on Internet Explorer 6, so why bother fixing what ain’t broke?

Every time you pander to Internet Explorer users you are holding all of humanity back. You’re enabling users to continue using Internet Explorer for just that little while longer, delaying the adoption of those awesome features you’d love to use.

Internet Explorer is wholly evil and we should treat it as such. That Internet Explorer logo represents naught but technological oppression, a total disregard for humanity and should invoke the same disgust and resentment you’d reserve for a Nazi swastika or child pornography.

Eviscerate Internet Explorer from every computer system you can (or at least the shortcuts), defame and condemn it to everyone you know. The people must be educated about the crippled prospects they are creating for their children and their children’s children every single time they use Internet Explorer.

With great power comes great responsibility, and you blew it Microsoft. You shit all over the human race and we should never forgive you for this. I want my damn hover cars.

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